The Beach and Sorry Ass Guys
I went to the beach today. I had thought I'd escape there with a normal day but no. Never. WHY?! Well I will explain what happened later.
I had posted this on my other blog awhile ago and felt it deserved another posting here. So read on and hopefully you will learn something.
So fellas. Let's chat. Obviously there are some sorry ass guys out there that need some help. Because we met them all at the beach today.
1. It's a beach. Expect to see girls in bikinis. If you can't handle it, stay home. Don't walk behind a girl and say "Damn, that's hot." Ya, I know my ass is hot. Stop drooling.
2. Don't sit within 5 feet of someone else at the beach. So not cool. Furthermore, don't be creepy and just move closer, then rotate so that you are perpendicular to us, and then perch yourself up so you have a better view. We have eyes too. We can see you. AND if you are going to do all this, then don't whistle. You are 2 feet away, why not say, "hello."
3. "Hey, pretty momma, come here." Anything that includes "come here" is wrong. If you want to talk to me, then walk your ass over here otherwise, buh bye.
4. Throwing or kicking a ball, especially a soccer ball, directly at a girl and then saying, "hey a little help?" is LAME. Doing it more than once is ULTRA LAME.
5. No girl is ever going to talk to you after you walk by and make a kissing noise at her. It's ultra creepy. What are you trying to accomplish?
6. "Hey, don't leave the beach so soon, come here!" Obviously, I'm not leaving if I don't have my beach bag with me, what do you think? I was laying in the sand with no towel? I am trying to use the bathroom. SHUT UP. Seriously, 5 guys, stopped their game of football, to carry on with this crap as we walked up the beach to the bathrooms.
7. Don't sneak up out of nowhere and try to hold a conversation. If we weren't looking at you, don't come over. Not interested. Oh and if a girl tells you she is from Ohio. She's lying. That's code for...I don't want to talk to you go away. And no it's not impressive that your aunt's band plays in the town I pretend to live in.
8. If you are 40, I am sorry, but you can't see my tits or ass. I don't care how cool you think your bike is. I'm still not impressed.
9. If you have your girlfriend with you. Stop staring you pig! I know you wish your girlfriend was hot like me, but still. Not cool.
Yes all of these things happened. All different guys. We even had some repeat offenders. Hopefully this will serve as some help for guys with no clue trying to be cool.
I had posted this on my other blog awhile ago and felt it deserved another posting here. So read on and hopefully you will learn something.
So fellas. Let's chat. Obviously there are some sorry ass guys out there that need some help. Because we met them all at the beach today.
1. It's a beach. Expect to see girls in bikinis. If you can't handle it, stay home. Don't walk behind a girl and say "Damn, that's hot." Ya, I know my ass is hot. Stop drooling.
2. Don't sit within 5 feet of someone else at the beach. So not cool. Furthermore, don't be creepy and just move closer, then rotate so that you are perpendicular to us, and then perch yourself up so you have a better view. We have eyes too. We can see you. AND if you are going to do all this, then don't whistle. You are 2 feet away, why not say, "hello."
3. "Hey, pretty momma, come here." Anything that includes "come here" is wrong. If you want to talk to me, then walk your ass over here otherwise, buh bye.
4. Throwing or kicking a ball, especially a soccer ball, directly at a girl and then saying, "hey a little help?" is LAME. Doing it more than once is ULTRA LAME.
5. No girl is ever going to talk to you after you walk by and make a kissing noise at her. It's ultra creepy. What are you trying to accomplish?
6. "Hey, don't leave the beach so soon, come here!" Obviously, I'm not leaving if I don't have my beach bag with me, what do you think? I was laying in the sand with no towel? I am trying to use the bathroom. SHUT UP. Seriously, 5 guys, stopped their game of football, to carry on with this crap as we walked up the beach to the bathrooms.
7. Don't sneak up out of nowhere and try to hold a conversation. If we weren't looking at you, don't come over. Not interested. Oh and if a girl tells you she is from Ohio. She's lying. That's code for...I don't want to talk to you go away. And no it's not impressive that your aunt's band plays in the town I pretend to live in.
8. If you are 40, I am sorry, but you can't see my tits or ass. I don't care how cool you think your bike is. I'm still not impressed.
9. If you have your girlfriend with you. Stop staring you pig! I know you wish your girlfriend was hot like me, but still. Not cool.
Yes all of these things happened. All different guys. We even had some repeat offenders. Hopefully this will serve as some help for guys with no clue trying to be cool.
posted by Liz at 8:38 AM
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